Miley Cyrus Gets Open Letter From Sufjan Stevens, Another From Sinead O’Connor
Can someone please start writing closed letters to Miley Cyrus? Or even better yet –how about direct messages on Twitter, which are much shorter? The starlet received two more open letters — one from indie rocker Sufjan Stevens and another from her “pen pal” Sinead O’Connor.
The first was a funny note from Stevens, who praised her music but scolded her poor grammar skills. The second was the fifth transmission from O’Connor, who pretty much needs stationary engraved expressly for Miss Miley. The ’80s star chastised Cyrus yet again for her blithe attitude towards mental illness.
Below is Sufjan’s tongue-in-cheek note, where he plays grammar police.
Dear Miley. I can’t stop listening to #GetItRight (great song, great message, great body), but maybe you need a quick grammar lesson. One particular line causes concern: “I been laying in this bed all night long.” Miley, technically speaking, you’ve been LYING, not LAYING, an irregular verb form that should only be used when there’s an object, i.e. “I been laying my tired booty on this bed all night long.” Whatever. I’m not the best lyricist, but you know what I mean. #Get It Right The Next Time. But don’t worry, even Faulkner messed it up. We all make mistakes, and surely this isn’t your worst misdemeanor. But also, Miley, did you know the tense here is also totally wrong. Surely you’ve heard ofPresent Perfect Continuous Tense (I HAVE BEEN LYING in this bed all night long [hopefully getting some beauty sleep?]). It’s a weird, equivocal, almost purgatorial tense, not quite present, not quite past, not quite here, not quite there. Somewhere in between. I feel that way all the time. It kind of sucks. But I have a feeling your “present perfect continuous” involves a lot more excitement than mine. Anyway, doesn’t that also sum up your career right now? Present. Perfect. Continuous. And Tense. Intense? Girl, you work it like Mike Tyson. Miley, I love you because you’re the Queen, grammatically and anatomically speaking. And you’re the hottest cake in the pan. Don’t ever grow old. Live brightly before your fire fades into total darkness. XXOO Sufjan
Below is O’Connor’s latest demand for an apology and Letter 5. Unfortunately, when you demand an apology, it’s not going to feel sincere. However, thankfully this letter is less than 150 words. Previous notes were pushing a thousand words and started to lose their effectiveness, although we’re not sure Miley was reading them word-for-word.
I hear you’ve asked “Are we supposed to kiss?.. when someone asked you would we “make up.” No, worry not.. there’s no need for kissing.. But let me state again.. You’re supposed to apologize for the mocking of any person who sought help, publicly or privately, to prevent themselves from committing suicide.
You’re also supposed to apologize for mocking people who are mistakenly or otherwise perceived to be mentally ill. Because what you did is extraordinarily dangerous as it contributes to the silences which allow suicide to flourish and also contributes to the bullying of people perceived mistakenly or otherwise to be mentally ill. That bullying causes suicides. That’s why you’re supposed to apologize. It’s really very simple. People die every day because of the thing of thing you did.
It’s not that hard to say sorry. Doing so will save lives.