99 Things You Missed in the ‘X-Men: Days of Future’ Past Trailer
The new trailer for X-Men: Days of Future Past is out, and it’s full to the brim with exciting surprises and hidden clues. Other websites didn’t spot them, because those guys are not real fans. You probably didn’t spot them either, so you should probably feel really embarrassed.
But we spotted them all, because we’re amazing, and we’re sharing our observations with you, because we’re generous too. True fandom is all about spotting minor trivia and lording it over the heads of other people! Hurray! So here are X things we spotted that you didn’t, you goon.
Brotherhat of Evil Mut-hats
Hats are a running theme throughout this trailer. Magneto wears a hat to steal a different hat. Mystique wears a hat and then wears another hat. And… some people in the background wear hats.
Now that I write it down, maybe there weren’t that many hats. Maybe the hats aren’t important. I don’t know; while I was watching the trailer it felt like more hats. I had a theory that maybe Charles Xavier’s hair fell out because of hats. That doesn’t make a lot of sense, though, does it?
Unless… maybe it’s an evil hat, and he has to put it on to stop something bad happening, even though he knows it’ll make him bald? He has to heroically sacrifice his hair at some point, right? He can’t just “go bald.” He has to go bald heroically.
Reprise of the Silver Surfer
In this scene we see the Silver Surfer using the power cosmic to make an infinite surfboard while shooting Terrax the Tamer in the face with his… shower cosmic. This is setting up a future crossover between Fox’s two Marvel properties, X-Men and the Fantasti-Teens. The movie is tentatively titled, Suck It, Marvel, We Are Never Giving You These Characters Back.
From the Director Who Didn’t Make the Crap One
There’s a subtle message embedded in this trailer. Remember how director Bryan Singer ditched the X-Men franchise before the third movie to go make a Superman film, and audiences got stuck with an awful third X-Men movie and an even worse Wolverine movie? And then the Superman movie wasn’t any good either?
Well, Warner Bros. went ahead and made an even worse Superman movie, so it’s time to welcome back the guy whose Superman movie wasn’t that bad in retrospect, who also didn’t make the third X-Men movie.
X-Men 5: It Could Be So Much Worse.
OMFG IT’S COLOSSUS
Daniel Cudmore is in this movie! You’ll remember him as Felix from the Twilight movies. You know, the tall one? He reprises his role as the mutant Colossus. You know! The tall one!
Look, maybe you’re not excited about this, but the guy is 6′ 6″ and has shoulders you could balance two Hemsworths on. That’s good enough for me. They could bring back Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool and I’d still go see this stupid movie.
The Lannisters Sentinel Their Regards
Look, it’s Peter Dinklage from that show you like! He’s playing Bolivar Trask, creator of the mutant-hunting Sentinel robots. Trask was taller in the comics, but we think Dinklage will be very good in the role, despite howls of protest from regular-height people who said it was political correctness gone mad to ignore the comics and cast a shorter actor in a role that ought to go to a white person. I mean a tall person. Sorry, new keyboard, not used to all the keys.
Cutting Edge Special Effects
I was 99% sure the guy on the left is the Captain Britain villain Slaymaster, but apparently it’s Charles Xavier, which is weird as the guy on the right is also Charles Xavier. How is that possible? Well, you’ll note that their eye lines don’t quite match up, and that’s because this effect is achieved through the use of the latest bluescreen technolo…
Oh, wait, no, those are different actors, aren’t they? So I guess they could have just filmed this by putting them in a room together. OK, so that works too. So why are they both staring into the middle distance? Oh, telepath reasons, probably.
Flash Fact: That’s Quicksilver
Fox and Marvel decided to play chicken over which one of them gets to use Quicksilver, and they both lost the bet so they both have to use him.
There’s a rumor going around that Sony Pictures has also acquired the rights to Quicksilver, because it turns out they’re pretty cheap. Amazing Spider-Man 2 will have a scene where Haley Joel Osment runs past the camera wrapped in turkey foil and wearing deely boppers. It still won’t look as embarrassing as either of the other two Quicksilvers.
The Wolverine Cameo
Fans of the previous X-Men movie, First Class, may recall that Wolverine had a memorable cameo appearance when Kid Magneto and Postgrad X tried to recruit him in a bar. If you pause the trailer at 00:36, you can see a hint that Wolverine may make another small cameo in this movie. You can also see it if you pause the trailer at 00:46. Or 00:50. Or at 00:56, 01:00, 01:01, 01:02, 01:38, 01:45, 01:49, and I think at 01:54. Wolverine might be in this movie.
Putting Wolverine in movies is smart, because history has shown that people go see those movies even though they’re terrible.
See you all on opening night!